(3 min read)

Donuts, reciprocity & cyber security: why giving first, works.  

Imagine this.  You arrive at the office on a rainy Tuesday, mentally lining up your to-do list and bracing for another “mandatory security training” email.

But instead, by the coffee machine, there’s the security team with a box of donuts. No briefing, no policy pitch, no “while you're here...”.

Just: “Good morning! Thanks for helping keep this place safe. Fancy a donut?”

You might smile and maybe stay for a chat.  You probably did not notice it, but something important just happened in your brain: Reciprocity.

What Reciprocity Really Means

Dr. Robert Cialdini, whose research underpins Psybersafe, describes reciprocity as one of the seven universal principles of influence, because we as humans are wired to return favours.

It’s simple:  When someone gives us something such as a gesture, help or support, we feel a natural urge to give something back.

This isn’t manipulation, it is rather a deep human response.  Reciprocity builds trust, encourages cooperation, and strengthens relationships.  It is all about the gesture and not the value of the gift and this is what many people get wrong.

Even something small, like a smile, a thank you, or a donut, can generate a sense of social connection. Our brains don’t run the numbers. They tend to respond to meaning, not money.

Reciprocity is at its strongest when the gesture is:

• Unconditional – no strings attached.
• Unexpected – no build-up, no pressure.
• Unscripted – no immediate ask, because, once a gift becomes an incentive as in “do this and you’ll get that”, it becomes a transaction. That’s a deal, not a connection.

Us humans are wired to return favours. When someone receives something, even something which is freely given, they often feel a psychological pressure to restore equilibrium. 
This pressure can feel like obligation, even if the giver expected nothing in return.

The power of no-strings giving

We’ve all seen it: the colleague who always helps others, they’re the one people rally behind when the need support. 

What about the manager who remembers birthdays? They’re the one people stay loyal to. Or  the IT person who fixes something with no fuss, no blame, and no tech-jargon lecture? That’s the person people go to first and trust the most.

This isn't about grand gestures, it’s about small, genuine ones. The kind that doesn’t demand anything in return yet therefore often get it anyway.

The reciprocity challenge

Here’s something to try this week:

We’ve seen how reciprocity can shape behaviour, for good, in an ethical way...   
But here’s the part most people miss; reciprocity isn’t just something that happens to you.

It’s a principle you can use to build trust, strengthen relationships, and quietly increase your influence.  And the beauty of this is that you do not need power, status or permission.  You just need to go first which could be as simple as:  

• Offering help before it's asked for. If you see someone struggling, step in without fanfare.
• Noticing and acknowledging. A kind word, a thank-you, a moment of appreciation; these are intangible gifts that build connection.
• Giving credit generously. Praise others’ work in front of people who matter, especially when they’re not in the room.
• Sharing something useful. Share a tip, a resource, or an insight. Something that makes someone’s day easier.

Remember, you’re not giving to “get.”  You’re giving to start something; a different tone, a better dynamic, a shift in trust.

And when you do that, something fascinating happens; people open up, they become more cooperative, and they are more likely to support you when it counts.  That’s not manipulation. That’s human nature, used wisely and ethically.

If you're someone who cares about keeping things safe at work, why not try this:

Instead of pushing rules or warnings, start by giving something first, for example, a helpful shortcut, a time-saving tip, or even a thank-you for spotting something suspicious. People remember that and next time they see something dodgy, they might actually come to you first. Or make the effort to do something about it.

At Psybersafe, our goal is to build lasting behaviour patterns by helping people apply behavioural science research that can really help you influence how others act.  It helps people become naturally more aware of potential cyber threats, understand their impact, and recognise how to avoid putting themselves or their organisation at risk. 

By guiding users to make small, consistent commitments to safer online behaviour and reinforcing these through regular prompts and real-world examples, we tap into Cialdini’s behavioural principles; particularly Consistency, Social Proof, and Authority, to make secure habits intuitive, automatic, and sustainable.  

If you would like to learn more or have Mark present to your organisation the impact of ethical influence and the importance of cybersecurity awareness through the lens of behavioural science, please contact us here.

We love behavioural science. We’ve studied it and we know it works.  If you want to know more about the science of persuasion and influence and behavioural science in general have a look at our sister site https://influenceinaction.co.uk/

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Mark Brown is a behavioural science expert with significant experience in inspiring organisational and culture change that lasts.  If you’d like to chat about using Psybersafe in your business to help to stay cyber secure, contact Mark today.